Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
