I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
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so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
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My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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