No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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