would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
