a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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