woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
