I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
