Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
