I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
