put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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