My first STD was from a foam party
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
