yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
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JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
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He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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