soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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