I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
