Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
