Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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