I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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