so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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