So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
