I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
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I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
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SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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