His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
