Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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