I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
