Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
