i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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