does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
