Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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