I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
