i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
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There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
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I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.