mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
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I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
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We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.