Will you blow on my dice?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.