yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left