are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
