i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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