hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
