I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
