Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
