is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
