Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
