you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
