hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
