The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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