The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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