well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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