cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's shark week go big or go home
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
