im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
