break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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