He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
