good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
