And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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