I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize