I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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