Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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