Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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