Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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