My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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