dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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