hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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