Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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