I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We just shotgunned beers for America
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
