I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
