Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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