Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
