Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
